By Laila St. Matthew-Daniel
I REMEMBER sitting in a boardroom early in my career, excited to share an idea that I had worked tirelessly on. As I spoke, I noticed the subtle shifts—the averted gazes, the slight impatience, the way my words seemed to land softer than when my male colleagues spoke.
Later, a well-meaning mentor pulled me aside and said, “You have great ideas, but maybe soften your approach so you don’t come across as too aggressive.”
I nodded politely, but inside, I wondered: What did I do to be seen to come across as too aggressive? I was just sharing an idea I was passionate about. Why is ambition celebrated in men but questioned in women?
That moment wasn’t just mine—it’s an experience many women share. The unspoken expectation? To shrink ourselves, adjust our tone, and make our ambition more palatable. But here’s the truth: Success demands that we step into our power fully, without apology.
Well, here are a few tips that I used myself over the years and from other executive women who have managed to succeed in a competitive world:
1. Redefining Ambition on Your Terms
Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. A former client of mine, a senior executive, once confided that she felt torn between being a strong leader and being ‘liked’. She worried about being seen as “too much.” Through coaching, she realized that ambition doesn’t mean sacrificing authenticity. She began defining success on her own terms—prioritizing both results and meaningful impact—and found that respect followed naturally when she led with clarity and conviction. I call it the ‘double C’ approach
The takeaway?
Ask yourself: What does success look like for you? What impact do you want to create? You must begin to own your vision unapologetically.
2. Navigating the Gender Gap Without Shrinking Yourself
A friend, a talented entrepreneur, once pitched her business idea to investors, only to receive feedback that she needed a male co-founder to be taken seriously. WHAT??? Instead of backing down, she doubled down—refining her pitch, expanding her network, and securing funding on her terms. Today, she runs a multi-million-dollar company.
The workplace often presents unique challenges for women, from implicit biases to glass ceilings. But instead of adapting to outdated norms, we must challenge them. That means speaking up in meetings, advocating for ourselves, and taking credit for our achievements. It also means building alliances with those who support gender equity—both men and women—who recognize and champion our contributions.
3. Leading with Authenticity and Power
Many women feel pressure to adopt traditionally “masculine” leadership traits to be taken seriously. But true leadership isn’t about playing a role—it’s about owning who you are. Putting on a masculine front does the opposite – makes you come across as an ‘aggressive female.’ A former colleague, known for her empathetic and collaborative leadership style, was once told she was “too soft” to be an effective executive. Instead of changing, she leaned into her strengths, creating a culture of trust and innovation. The result? Higher performance and a promotion to the C-suite. There is strength in your femininity – your content brings about the respect you need.
Whether your style is direct and bold or empathetic and strategic, own it. Leadership isn’t about fitting into a mold; it’s about showing up as your most confident and capable self.
4. Turning Setbacks into Fuel for Growth
You better believe that most ambitious woman will face setbacks—rejections, missed opportunities, or moments of doubt. The difference between stagnation and success is “resilience”. I recall a brilliant lawyer who was passed over for a partnership she had rightfully earned. Instead of accepting defeat, she sought out mentorship, built her brand, and eventually launched her own firm—one that now competes with the very company that underestimated her. Is that not awesome pushback?
Instead of internalizing failure, reframe it as feedback. What can you learn? How can you pivot? Women who succeed aren’t those who never fail, but those who refuse to give up.
5. Supporting and Uplifting Other Women
Success shouldn’t be a solo journey. A few years ago, I was part of a leadership forum where a senior executive made it a point to highlight the contributions of rising female leaders in every meeting. That simple act helped change the culture of the organization, creating a ripple effect of support.
Whether it’s mentoring, advocating for another woman’s promotion, or simply offering encouragement, building a strong network of ambitious women creates lasting change. The more we uplift and support each other, the more we collectively break barriers.
Own Your Ambition, Unapologetically
Ambition is not a dirty word. It’s a driving force for change, innovation, and leadership. The world needs more women who are unafraid to pursue their goals, make bold moves, and redefine success on their own terms. Women who do not need to put on a masculine energy but operate fully through their feminine energy.
So, the question is: Are you ready to own your ambition without apology?
Let’s continue the conversation. How have you navigated ambition in your career?
Drop your comments below!
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St. Matthew-Daniel is the Executive Leadership Coach | Transformation Strategist | Independent Director | Mental Health Advocate. She can be reached via lailajeansmd@gmail.com
